Monday, December 26, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Current thoughts.
Every day, I see myself disliking certain things more and more. I see myself slipping back into old habits, comfortable and recognizable behaviors. I see myself pulling away from you, away from the thoughts and conversations that make me angry and make me want to scream.
What defines a friendship? Do you have to know the person a certain amount of time? Do you have to have a certain number of conversations that last a certain period of time to be their friend? Or do you just have to play along and hide like a coward, waiting for them to initiate any sort of contact? Well, I'm sorry, that's where we become completely different people. There's a lot you don't know about me, mainly because you have had absolutely no interest to ask about me. It's not your fault, that's just your personality, but it's not an excuse. We're all adults here, and I'm not going to sit back and watch as people I want to get to know are being taken away from me, or are waiting for something I can't give them. I'm not the most interesting person on the face of the planet, but I am certainly more interesting than the trash people tend to surround themselves with. One day, you'll realize how different we are, and how much like me you'd be better off being from here on out.
Our conversations don't even feel like that anymore, they feel like words being endlessly typed through a screen with no meaning, no feeling, just endless words and sentences and paragraphs that mean absolutely nothing anymore. Maybe they used to mean something, a long time ago, but as we've aged and moved farther apart in our lives, the words start to numb and become meaningless. I don't know how much meaning you intend to put behind your words, but mine have more than enough for the both of us, and I think you feel that, so you sit back and talk like there's no reason to try. That's not fair to me, I shouldn't be the one putting all the effort into this. What happened to this? What happened to our conversations, our endless talks, our hours of connection and communication? You pushed me aside for nothing. I am trying to understand what happended and I don't know if I ever will. It's not fair that I can't even go up to you and simply ask "Why?" It's not fair that I'm not given any chance to get a straight answer.
I don't want to dwell on the bullshit. I want to be able to move on and become the person I deserve to be. I deserve better than this, coward.
What defines a friendship? Do you have to know the person a certain amount of time? Do you have to have a certain number of conversations that last a certain period of time to be their friend? Or do you just have to play along and hide like a coward, waiting for them to initiate any sort of contact? Well, I'm sorry, that's where we become completely different people. There's a lot you don't know about me, mainly because you have had absolutely no interest to ask about me. It's not your fault, that's just your personality, but it's not an excuse. We're all adults here, and I'm not going to sit back and watch as people I want to get to know are being taken away from me, or are waiting for something I can't give them. I'm not the most interesting person on the face of the planet, but I am certainly more interesting than the trash people tend to surround themselves with. One day, you'll realize how different we are, and how much like me you'd be better off being from here on out.
Our conversations don't even feel like that anymore, they feel like words being endlessly typed through a screen with no meaning, no feeling, just endless words and sentences and paragraphs that mean absolutely nothing anymore. Maybe they used to mean something, a long time ago, but as we've aged and moved farther apart in our lives, the words start to numb and become meaningless. I don't know how much meaning you intend to put behind your words, but mine have more than enough for the both of us, and I think you feel that, so you sit back and talk like there's no reason to try. That's not fair to me, I shouldn't be the one putting all the effort into this. What happened to this? What happened to our conversations, our endless talks, our hours of connection and communication? You pushed me aside for nothing. I am trying to understand what happended and I don't know if I ever will. It's not fair that I can't even go up to you and simply ask "Why?" It's not fair that I'm not given any chance to get a straight answer.
I don't want to dwell on the bullshit. I want to be able to move on and become the person I deserve to be. I deserve better than this, coward.
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